The Dude

So after I finished my blog post about the Enigma a few weeks ago, I was feeling really bummed out.  My self-worth was wavering and I needed to feel wanted.  The obvious cure for that is casual sex.   You know, just get a hold of someone you already know wants to bang you; that way, you know you won't get shot down.  That night, The Dude was that guy.

The Dude.  Where do I even begin???  I’ve known him for years, hard to say exactly how many.  He was always just a guy at the bar, someone I would chat with, but nothing more.  Then two years ago, I don’t know, something just clicked.  I was living in Kalamazoo at the time, he in Muskegon.  The first time we slept together was nothing remarkable, so I don’t have a fond memory of it (or any memory, for that matter).  It just happened, and we proceeded to spend the majority of the summer together.  I was making frequent trips to Muskegon, to see my family of course, but also to see him.  He would come to Kalamazoo every other week or so, and it was just fun.  Well, I guess a little more than fun, because the Dude was a big factor in my decision to move back to Muskegon.  I had finished undergrad, and while I had a job that I loved, there wasn’t much else keeping me there.  However, as my track record shows, the “romance” between the Dude and I fizzled long before I even made the move back home.  Go figure.

But anyways, about this guy.  He’s a 47-year-old hippie stoner surfer type with long hair which he enjoys holding back with a headband or a French braid.  He’s ridiculous and flighty and funny, but not always on purpose.  He’s always high and spends most of his free time working on his quaint but dilapidated house.  He treats his dog like his girlfriend.  He’s highly intelligent and keeps up on political and world affairs, but often struggles to complete a coherent sentence.  He’s a free spirit, happy-go-lucky, and never lets anything bother him.  Honestly, that part’s sort of refreshing.

I texted him that night, with the sole intent of going to his house for sex (that’s the current nature of our “relationship”, and has been for over a year).  He had just gotten back into town from a volleyball weekend.  A NUDE volleyball weekend.  Yes friends, you read that right: nude volleyball is a real thing.  Just a bunch of people getting together, butt ass naked in the summertime, with all of their tender bits exposed to the sun.  He mentioned something about his ass being sun-burned and I laughed, because the whole situation was just ridiculous.  We chatted for another couple of minutes, but we both knew why I was there.  Eventually we went to bed, and while the sex wasn’t exactly orgasmic, it was clear that he was happy to have me there, and I was comforted by his presence.  Beats sleeping alone.

The next morning, he offered to make coffee.  Standing in the kitchen, he asks me if he had showed me his sunburn the night before.  Probably?  I don’t know (I mean, we did get naked…), so I mumbled something but despite my response, he drops trou, right there in the kitchen, to show me his red ass.   How can you not be amused by a guy like that???

So the Dude and I have been hanging out pretty much every weekend since.  Last night, though, he was being really weird and touchy-feely, even at the bar, which turned me off.  I loath PDA’s, whether it’s someone hanging all over me in public or other couples sucking face in the middle of the bar.  It’s a way for people to mark their territory, and I hate that.  Look, you don’t own me; you don’t get to “claim” me.  I’m still single here and I don’t want you cock-blocking me, thankyouverymuch.  Hands off, bro.  

Anyway, he asks what I’m doing the last weekend in August.  Dude, I can’t plan that far ahead.  I don’t know, probably nothing?  So he invites me to a volleyball weekend.  Three full days of volleyball (which I don’t play), and camping (which I despise because bugs are the worst and I don’t want to have to sleep on the ground) with people I’ve never met, about 100 miles away.  Oh, and it’s his nude volleyball league.  I’ll be expected to be au naturel the whole weekend.  What in the ever loving fuck???  How is this my life?????

*Tangent:  I have absolutely nothing against nakedness, I really don’t.  In fact, I’ve been employed as a nude model for several art classes over the years, and I truly relished in the experience.  I enjoy being naked, actually.  But at this time in my life, my naked body isn’t looking quite as shapely as I would like it to be, and honestly, I just don’t want to watch everyone’s penises and testicles and boobies flapping and flopping all over the place while diving for a volleyball.  Also, I don’t really care to watch volleyball (or any sport for that matter).

My sister was at the bar with us last night, so she witnessed all the touchy-feely-ness and the conversation about nude volleyball weekend.  I asked her today, “Why would he want me to go to that with him?  Why would he even think I would want to go?”  “Because he wants you to be there!  I think he really likes you… again.”

This is the part that irks me: he likes me again.  Two years ago, I was really into him.  I enjoyed the time we spent together, going on picnics, cooking together, going out on the town and ending the night naked in bed.  But then he just stopped talking to me altogether.  We didn’t get into a fight or anything; he just stopped responding to my texts (sound familiar???).  I can remember being at the bar with my sister one night, after not having heard from him for several days, and sending him a text that said, “If you don’t want to see me anymore, that’s fine.  I just need to know.”  No response, ever.  That was in July 2014.  I moved to Muskegon September 2014.  I think I ran into him at the bar around March/April 2015.  It was around that time that we started a “bed buddy” relationship; casual sex and nothing more.  And even that has been relatively infrequent.  I spent all of last summer infatuated with the Enigma, so I didn’t have any use for the Dude.  And even after that, more often than not I turned down his late-night text propositions.  So why all of a sudden is he into me now?? 

 

Now, at a time when I’ve closed myself off.  Now, when I’m probably not even capable of connecting with anyone emotionally, and honestly, don’t want to.  I’m still sore from the Enigma situation, and I’m not really looking for a relationship.  I’ve built a wall and I’m sure as shit not knocking it down for this asshole.  I have no romantic feelings toward him whatsoever.  But fuck it.  At least I can get laid any time I want, and he’s totally willing to be at my beck and call [he just came over to mow my sister’s lawn simply because I asked him to].  I’ll take it for now, until something better comes along.

 

PS. I have not yet accepted nor declined the nudey volleyball weekend invitation.  But if I go, holy shit, what a great blog post I’ll have from that experience!